Today I watched Critical G's video about Sleepless in Austin. I thought it would be funny to copy and past his exact post and only change a few words. I changed: girl to boy, man to woman, and a few other things to make it all sound like I am reversing the gender.
I posted it on Craigslist and am waiting patiently to see if any dude is willing to date me.
-------------------------------------Sleepless in Renton-----------------------------------------
I am looking for a decent boy that wants to be in a long term monogamous relationship with me.
I want the boy to be attractive.
I like boys that are fit, or with a toned or athletic build. A average build is fine too, just as long as you are not over weight. I will not date a overweight or fat boy. You can't be skinny, just have a nice body.
I like boys that are 180 pounds or less. Of course weight needs to be in proportion to their height, as long as they aren't considered overweight, they should be fine.
Being overweight is a total dealbreaker with me.
I also like guys with a good haircut. I like a boy to look like a boy, I like a masculine, handsome boy. I like hair groomed and neat. Sometimes I can make exceptions if it is longer depending on how it looks on the boy. But for the most part, I boys with well groomed hair.
Italians are my favorite, but I like all kids of European men. I love men with green eyes, then blue, and then brown. (in that exact order)
I will not date a Black boy. I don't care if he looks like Denzel Washington, I will not ever date a Black boy.
However, I will date any other race, Hispanic, Mexican, Spanish, Russian, Italian, French, European, White, whatever, anything except Black.
I do not like glasses on a boy. Although, it's not a dealbreaker, as long as he can wear contacts at least most of the time.
I do not ever want to have kids, so if a boy is wanting to have babies, I am not his woman.
I will not date a boy that does not have a job or career.
I am not looking for any type of man that is materialistic or a gold digger or expects a woman to pay for everything.
I do not like tattoos on a man. If a man already has tattoos, it may not be a deal breaker unless he plans to get more in the future. If a man has something small and masculine like a hammer or dragon already on his ankle or something then it may not necessarily be a dealbreaker. And it would also help if he would consider having them laser removed, something I might would even pay to have done for him.
To me, tattoos just represent white trash or someone that's been in prison. I do not care for following trends like mindless sheep and getting tats just because what ever Star on TV got them, they will always be a symbol of White Trash. The Male human body is the most beautiful work of Art God ever created, to tattoo it with ink is the same as vandalizing a famous Monet painting with a can of spray paint!
I also do not like piercings on a man. I do not like a man to have anything pierced other than his ears. If he has other piercings it's not a dealbreaker as long as he removes them and never wears them again.
I do not like gamblers. I will not be in any relationship with a man that gambles or wastes money on such things.
I do not like strippers! I will not date any boy that has ever been a stripper. I believe that the only person that should ever see a man's naked body is only his girlfriend or wife.
I will not date any boy that has ever had a threesome, or a large number of past sexual partners. I do not want a promiscuous slut, I want a normal, decent, good hearted boyfriend.
I will not date any boy that can not always be honest & faithful to me. This is very important.
I prefer a boy that does not smoke, but as long as he does not smoke in my house or around me, if he can go outside and smoke, then I can live with that. I lived with my ex boyfriend for Eleven years, and he was a smoker.
I will not date any boy if he is still friends with any girls that he has been intimate with in the past, I believe once a relationship with someone is over, it's OVER.
I will not date a selfish man. I do not like selfish men at all.
I do not like sarcastic or cynical people, I do not like people that always think negatively either, so that type of boy would also not be a good match for me.
I know sometimes on my Venture Philosophy blog, I may seem like a bee-actch because I point out sooooo many things that I dislike - and I like to photoshop people's heads onto bodies that are not their own, but I assure you I am a very positive person, I am just tring to put out here my likes/dislikes so you can know more about me and what type of boy may get along with me.
I do not expect a boy to agree with all of my beliefs or opinions etc, but I do not like to argue, and it's very important that we can live in peace together if at some point the boy & I live together. I like to live in a quiet & peaceful environment. That is extremely important to me.
I like a boy that dresses on the conservative side. Not like a slut, and not anything weird. Just normal is fine. T-Shirt & Jeans are OK. But a boy in a suit really gets my heart racing! I also love it when a boy wears mini shorts with boots, not cowboy boots, but sexy boots. Or hiking boots, I love hiking boots!
I like a boy takes that takes care of himself and keeps himself clean of course.
I love it when a boy wears sexy undies in the bedroom! Especially speedos! Maybe a sexy cowboy hat too.That gets my heart racing.
I need a boy that can be very warm & affectionate and loving.
It's also nice if the boy has a big heart and appreciates simple things, and understands the value of sentimental things etc.
I like a boy that appreciates romance and the art of courtship.
Kissing is one of my most favorite things to do with a boy, it's very important. I also love to hold a boys hand when I am walking with him. And I love sleeping beside a boy and holding him close to me, and spooning with him. In fact THAT is the reason I named this website "Sleepless In Renton" because I haven't had a single good nights sleep in years, ever since my relationship ended with my ex-boyfriend.
And yes, I also liked the movie Sleepless in Seattle, haha :-D
It dosen't matter at all to me how big or small a boys arms are. I prefer them to be muscular and sculpted. I am against muscle implants, and prefer that a boy gets his nice body the old fashioned way - by working out in the gym and drinking Whey protein.
I prefer a man that has never had children, because having kids does ruin a man's life and takes away his free time. I will never have kids because I will end up with stretch marks. I will not have kids because it will make my vagina looser, and I don't care how many kegel exercises a woman does, after she has 2 or 3 eight to ten pound babies, you can't tell me it's going to be 100% as tight as it ever was! Plus, what's even worse than all of that, is sometimes during childbirth the lips/vulva of a woman get torn and they never look the same as the did originally even after they heal, that's why some women even get cosmetic reconstructive surgery to their vulvas after childbirth to try and regain their original appearance.
I am so selfless, that I will forgo a joy and happiness of bringing new life to earth so that my hot, well groomed, boyfriend can enjoy the tightness of my va-jay-jay. See how selfless I am!
Now I'm not saying having had a kid or two is a for sure dealbreaker for me, but it's a case by case basis, and I prefer a man that's never had kids if possible. Kids take a lot of time. My ex-boyfriend that I was with for Eleven years never had kids, he couldn't because of a vaceectomy at a young age.
I like to get a lot of attention in a relationship, and I like to give it as well.
I also have a very high sex drive.
So, if you want to be my boyfriend send me a message or contact me at Venture Philosophy.
I found a picture of Romeo Rose, the real author of the above post. You would think with his long list of likes and dislikes, the guy must be pretty hot himself.
NOT! Those horse veneers on his teeth are good for nothing but digging for gold. How on earth can that ugly man be complaining about a woman's appearance? Why is it ugly men think they deserve to date only hot women? News flash - women actually like attractive men too. This guy has saggy skin, droopy eyelids, and lost significant skin elasticity. With a face like that, every time he opens his mouth - glitter should fall out.
Seriously, why do men like this think they are in such a high and might position to be picky about a woman's body? That is one thing I never understood. The world is full of women who are shorter, have big teeth, and acne, and are all perfectly good human beings.
This man, like hundreds of thousands of men like him, will live a long life - alone.