Monday, June 2, 2014

Say It Right - Obesity and Acceptance

This is the blog that manages to piss off the most people. Be Warned.

There are many thing about "fat acceptance" that should bother everybody. Take for instance, the definition of acceptance, and tell me if these phrases sound correct.

1. I receive obesity
2. I approve of obesity
3. I am in favor of obesity
4. I believe obesity is just as good as being fit

Now, lets compare that to the following statements:

1. I accept anorexia.
2. I approve of anorexia. 
3. I am in favor of anorexia.
4. I believe anorexia is just as fine as eating a healthy diet. 

I have seen many people struggle with obesity, women and men alike. They all wanted to be fit, but just did not know what they were supposed to eat or how to exercise. When I was about fourteen years old, I remember vividly my friends mother trying to workout in the living room. She had a fitness book on the floor, tight fitting fitness clothing, and she was trying to do the workout. Her movements were slow and confused, the poor woman simply did not know what she was doing. Twenty years later she is still obese.

I have seen men struggle with obesity, including many of the men in my own family. Obesity hurts them just as much as women. Obese men know women prefer fit, strong men. Standards of beauty are ingrained in our DNA. Two hundred and fifty thousand years of human evolution cannot be erased just because someone wants it erased. The ultimate goal is to live long enough to pass genetic material, caring for our grandchildren and great grandchildren. The fact is: obesity kills. Humans have evolved to know it. Within 99% of world cultures, including those not exposed to Western Media - obesity is still not sexy. LINK

There are two major characteristics obese people possess, first, they are in a great deal of emotional pain, and second, they display a general pessimistic attitude towards nutrition.

They deal with that pain by denying it. One of the most common lies obese people tell themselves is that they are happy being overweight. They have an elaborate maze of defense mechanisms. They try to convince themselves, and the world that they happy just as they are. They claim that they love their bodies - when we all know they don't. They claim they love being out of breath after long walks - when we know they don't. They claim they love going to the beach in a nice bathing suit - when we all know they want to hide. They claim they do not care that their children are embarrassed by their appearance - we all know they do care. They claim that they are not bothered when they have to turn the lights out before being intimate with their partners. They claim they love their diabetes - we know they don't. Most importantly - they claim that they are so strong, powerful, and confident that they can transcend what they consider "fat hate". They claim their obesity is nobody's business but their own - but then turn around and make it everybody's business by publishing blogs, videos, and conducting interviews about how proud they are being obese. They throw their obesity in our faces, trying to force feed us their mutually shared delusions, then when we tell them they are wrong, they say "its none of your business."  The truth is - fat people hate fit people. They perform more mental gymnastics than the Cirque du Soleil, covering up all that pain inside.

One will often observe a pessimistic attitude towards calorie control. The obese anticipate undesirable outcomes if they attempt eating within their calorie range and believe evil hardships will outweigh the positive benefits of eating within their daily calorie range. For example: obese people will will criticize diet books, claiming they do not work, whilst ignoring the tens of thousands of people who lost weight using those diets. The women featured in BookLiberation2, display a typical pessimistic attitude towards diet and nutrition. I doubt any of these women eat within their calorie range on a daily basis. If they did - they would not be overweight.

Even recently, an anonymous person made an instagram page accusing fit women of lying about what they eat. LINK

The fact is - fit people do not hate fat people. When I am in the gym, I do see overweight and obese people working out. I do not look at them and say, "eww". I have never seen anybody in the gym do that to an overweight person working out. In fact, we accept them. We are happy they are there, making the right choice. Fit people want to see more overweight people in the gym. We know they feel insecure and we want them to overcome the insecurity. Sometimes, they never come back. I have to wonder if they don't return to the gym because they feel nervous working out around fit people. Fit people are not doing anything bad to overweight people, rather, our existence makes them feel insecure.  How dare fit people exist! How dare we wear nice jeans, sexy clothing, or show off our six pack abs! HOW DARE WE! LINK

Obese men know women prefer fit men. Obese women know men prefer fit women. We know it is true, but we don't want to admit it because it hurts feelings. The fact is, we are so tolerate towards obesity that few people will actually say that they reject someone because the other person is too fat. Take the Hodge Twins for example, think for a second, they admit to sleeping with large women, but do you think these men would ever choose to have sex with a fat woman over a thin woman? Do you think they would marry an obese woman? Listen carefully to what these men say about obese women - do you really...really think they find obese women sexy? Of course they don't, at the end of the video they say, "if you are fat and want to lose weight, we have this great channel..." Think about it for a second, if they really thought fat women were sexy, would they direct these ladies to a channel about how to lose weight?

Overweight and obese people insist they do not overeat (when they do), they insist they exercise (when they don't, or don't do the right kind of exercise.) They try to convince themselves that they "celebrate" their obesity, like it is a race, ethnicity or gender. The difference is that we cannot choose race, ethnicity or gender. Everyone, except those .001% of people with thyroid problems can control their weight. I repeat - EVERYONE had power to control their own bodies. Obese people lie and say, "I can't work out at home. I can't go to a gym. I can't go to a track and run. I can't walk at a park. I can't lift weights. I can't control my portions. I can't eat vegetables. I can't stop eating pizza. I can't eat an apple." They all can do these things, the truth is, they don't do these things for two reasons. Reason one: they don't know how. They were never properly educated. Reason two: they don't want to do these things because they are lazy and feel it would be too hard. This is not to say all obese people are lazy, we know what is coming, "Waaaa, don't stereotype all fat people as lazy...waaaa (boo hoo hoo)." Let me be clear - many obese people ARE lazy. Sure, they may work a 9-5 job sitting at a desk or driving a bus, they think that being employed now means they are not lazy. If they are not getting in 60 minute of cardio every week, and making excuses for watching TV instead of going for a walk - they are lazy.  Or, let me guess, just too much work they don't have time? Right.

The problem is that many feel powerless. They do not know how many calories to eat, they do not know their metabolic rate, they do not know how many calories are actually in the foods they eat. They simply do not know how to eat properly. They push their "fat acceptance" agenda onto the world, deluding themselves into thinking that society is going to change. The fact is, women and men will always be repulsed by obesity. We will always look down on it as something gross, unattractive and shameful for the simple fact we cannot overcome human evolution. It took hundreds of thousands of year of human evolution to make us desire certain traits - no amount of social networking will change our hard wiring.

Men will always prefer attractive women over unattractive women. They will always prefer to look at a fit beautiful body over an obese body. I do not care how many fat acceptance twitter hastags, or fat acceptance YouTube videos or Fat acceptance facebook pages a person creates. People simply will not change.

But lets talk about the obese people themselves. First, they consider the word obese to be an ugly, insulting word. Obese is a medical term, if your Body Mass Index is 30 or above - then you are obese. If your BMI is between 25-30, then you are overweight. Today, my BMI is 23.7, last year it was 26. (remember muscle weighs more than fat, so people with a large amount of muscle will show higher BMI without being obese.)

Obese people are in a lot of pain. They have a tremendous amount of emotional pain and suffering. I think that most people in this world do not, or cannot really understand how much these people suffer. Their smiles are fake, their laughter is fake, and their lives are not as full as they could be. This is not to say they do not have happiness, I am sure they do. The fact is - obese people never enjoy being obese.

My Fitbit profile
I lost 16 pounds in 3 months. 25 pounds in 12 months.
I remember trying to lose the baby weight, my BMI was over 25 making me medically overweight. Losing 16 pounds was not the easiest thing to do, but a healthy serving of vegetables every day did the trick. Losing weight is easy - people make it complicated.

I could have been just like all those overweight people who say "I love my fat, I think the way it giggles as I walk is cute." Truth be told, if you love yourself, love your spouse, and love your family, you will want to lose the weight. I lost the weight because I recognized that having two children was not an excuse. I did it because I loved myself. I deserve to be happy. I lost the weight because I love my husband, he deserves to have a fit attractive wife. I wanted to look good in a nice dress for my husband. I do not want my children embarrassed by my appearance. Remaining overweight would have been selfish. Obesity affects the entire family in a negative way. Think about it for a moment, what family is better off because of obesity? What child is truly proud that their mom or dad chooses to be obese? What woman is truly happy when her husband chooses to be obese? The only woman happy by that choice is if she is also obese, and his weight loss makes her feel bad about herself. If a person really has self-esteem, and truly loves their spouse the way I love my spouse, the will lose the weight. People who are selfish will remain obese.

How do they feel when they go shopping? How do they feel when the person they like does not want them because of the weight? So much suffering for something that can be fixed in one year. All it takes is one year of eating healthy foods, lots of vegetables, limit processed foods, drink water and workout at the gym. Shedding pounds can be a lot of fun when you get into it. Why are they cheating themselves?

Obese people are insecure about the way they look. If they truly did not care what other people thought about their appearance, then they would not be so vocal online about it. They would be like, "this is who I am, and I am happy being obese, period." Even when we are nice to obese people, and offer to help them - they come off with so much anger and hostility.

They talk about their obesity so much because deep down, they are not happy with their body. They want us to believe they are - but really, they are not. Just look at the above interaction between me and Jasmin Ashton. She was offended that I responded to something she posted in public. (Sometimes I think people forget what social networks are) Anyway, she posts a picture of herself eating some sort of processed twinky food thing. I do not know if this particular lady is aware of this - but you cannot eat foods like that
you want to lose weight.

As I looked at her picture, she came across as an attractive woman. I mean, she is not ugly by any means. From looking at her posts, it appears that she projects herself to be stronger than what she really is. I am not saying this to make her feel bad about herself, on the contrary, I do not want her to feel bad. People forget what we say or do, but always remember how we made them feel. She clearly has an eating problem, so how can a person help someone who clearly needs it, while being clear that she  did this to herself. She made herself obese. Nobody pointed a gun at her head and made her do it - she did it. Many overweight people want to lose the weight without the effort. Ah, if only life were that simple.

It comes down to a painful process which I call, tearing down the defense mechanisms. Stop saying you are okay being obese when you know you are not. Stop saying you are happy when you are not. Stop saying that it is okay when it isn't. Take the defense mechanisms, throw them away. Instead, tell yourself that you can, and will lose the weight. Say you deserve to be happy. You deserve to feel sexy. You deserve all the happiness that will come with a healthy weight. When it comes to obesity - say it right.

Jasmin refused to allow me to help her. She wants to be obese. She does not want to be happier in life. That fact is something we all have to accept. I only hope she has family willing to step up and show her that accepting a bad thing, like obesity, will only hurt her even more than it already has. That is what family is supposed to be for.

Another woman on twitter, Mandi Stewart, posted the following image. What we see Mandi doing is making a strawman out of my argument, as if to imply my argument is that all obese people live with self-loathing every second of their lives. If you read my blog, you know that is not what I am saying.  It is a very common defense mechanism for obese people to joke about their pain. She posted a picture of herself, exposing her breasts, as if to imply that an image of her obesity is offensive. Her profile reads that she is married and slowly being "okay" with being obese.

As these people make their lives public, they should expect the public to respond to these claims. Privacy is not existent when they make their fat-acceptance and obesity public. Nobody forced these women to make their obesity public - they did. Question to readers: do you think Mandi would be happier her current weight, or fifty pounds lighter? She lives in Kentucky, one of the fattest states in America, so she already has hurdles to deal with. Do you think she would drop the weight if she knew she could? If she is truly confident in her obesity, why not just take a full body shot and put it online? If she is truly happy with her appearance, why is she wearing so much makeup in the profile picture? Why not just go without the styled hair and make-up if looks do not matter?

One of the most common defense mechanisms, is that obese people say, "I go to the doctor and get blood work, I am healthy - ergo, my obesity is okay."  And what about your heart? Not the one pumping blood through your body, but your emotions? What about your self-esteem? What about your desire to fit comfortably in a seat, or be sexually attractive to your husband? Mandi Stuart is not happy, she wants the world to think she is happy. She publicizes her obesity, and then complains when the public responds. She is conflicted.

Truth be told - someone who has a fitness board on Pintrest and subscribes to Facebook page, "busy moms get fit" clearly wants to get fit. So this whole ruse about "being fat and starting to get comfortable with it" is a farce.

American Obesity Map

So here is the advice I would have given Jasmin and Mandi if they were willing to listen:

"Start eating 1.5 cups of raw or steamed vegetables every day. Just include them in your diet. Continue eating as you normally do - just get that 1.5 cups of veggies in every day, preferably before 3 pm. You do not have to eat them all at once, spread them out with breakfast, mid-morning snack and lunch. The secret to losing weight is recognizing that we cannot deny ourselves the things we enjoy eating. Eat your regular diet, just get those veggies in. Simple. Think about what you need to include in your diet, not what you must exclude. Eat for nutrition first, enjoyment second. The problem with going on a "diet" is that when you go off the diet, you will gain the weight back with a few extra pounds. Just stop dieting, they don't work. Eat 1.5 cup veggies every day. The weight will come off, and you will be healthier."

Eat This Once A Day - Every Day (without dressing)

They even find excuses for not eating vegetables. 

Obese people will find that the weight will start coming off with very little effort. Once she sees how 1.5 cups of raw veggies took off 20 pounds in four weeks, she will be inspired to make better and better changes. Make the changes slowly. What amused me, was how some obese people claim they cannot eat 1.5 cup of raw or steamed veggies everyday because onions contain sugar. This only proves that people are completely unaware of basic food science. That "onions have sugar" statement confirms a UK study proving many obese people have no idea how many calories they eat every day. LINK USA Today also published an article showing American's are unaware how many calories they eat every day. LINK  In all seriousness, what person would say, "I cannot eat 1.5 cups of vegetables everyday because onion contains sugar." The kind of person who eats for gluttony - not nutrition. The kind of person who does not want to take responsibility for their own obesity.

Nutrition Quiz One - Test Your Knowledge  Nutrition Quiz Two - Test Your Knowledge

The fact is - some overweight people refuse to admit they hate being a fat bride, and they want to be more beautiful for their husbands. It takes a lot of courage to admit that it is time for change.

Of all the obese people reading this blog, fewer than 10% will take my advice. Even though the change I suggest they make is relatively small, they will choose not to see the good intentions behind this blog. I do not come from a position of hate, I too have had to lose weight, and I did lose it. The reason they will not take my advice is because they do not want to change and they want to be obese.

Below are a couple of videos, you do not have to eat exactly as these women do, but they give good advice. Weight loss is 75% diet and 25% exercise. If you are overweight, look at your diet first, look at your exercise second. If you need an exercise video, start with this Jillian Michaels three days a week. If you want to know how many calories to eat, start by using this calorie calculator.

Enjoy the videos.

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