Loyal to a fault: the crisis of male identity and rape
Western men are at an impasse, they must reconcile themselves with the fact that 98% of forcible rapes are committed by men, yet 95.5 percent of men are not rapists. Most men are decent, loving human beings who would never dream of doing such a vile thing to another person. As a result, men are faced with a contradiction. That contradiction placed them in a difficult position of defending their basic identity. They can revise their view of the world, or ignore the contradiction in favor of a treasured belief. That treasured belief in this case is that women are lying about rape, deserve to be raped or are responsible for rape because they choose to drink too much alcohol. This article will argue that the media reports of rape, cast the 95.5% of innocent men in an unfavorable light. Men are rightfully angry about this, and resort to some unsavory tactics defending the male gender, and their identity. This article speaks to the 95.5%of men who are not rapists. I will argue that rather than swimming in cognitive dissonance, or deception, it is better to be honest about the facts surrounding rape and deal with it on an individual level rather than let this become a gender war.
Think for a moment about all the things that make you, uniquely you. When you make that list, carefully consider how you use the pronoun "I". English is the only language that capitalizes "I" regardless of where it lives in a sentence. The emphasis will always be on YOU. As long as you are communicating your ideas in the English language, you are the capital, you are the value, you are the center of whatever idea the sentence communicates. I will argue that we should encourage the 95.5% of men to defend their advanced identity, all the things that make them unique, rather than their basic identity, their gender. At the same time, women should remember that 95.5% of men are not rapists, and should remember that men have the right not to be labeled as a criminal when they have done nothing wrong. We attack the perpetrator not the gender. Gender wars have been raging on the internet, women vs. men, men vs. women. Gender wars are harmful, and they demean us as individuals.
Most of us start inductively organizing our descriptive adjectives from the general to the specific. For me, the first things I would write are, "I am a female, Caucasian, brunette." In that order, I am first a female, then I am white, then I am a brunette. Then I would start listing the more specific to idiosyncratic things that identify Naomi as an individual. "I am a mother, wife, entrepreneur linguist skeptic artist, chef, and gardener." I would finish discussing things about my person that most people would not know unless they knew me very well. "My favorite artist is Klimt. I love bold colors. I dislike sunlight. I heat up my coffee-mate creamer in the microwave for thirty seconds before adding it to my morning coffee." There are many more things that define me beyond female, Caucasian and Brunette.
All of this might seem irrelevant to the topic of men and rape, but in fact it is very relevant because Western men are facing a much bigger identity crisis, as a gender, than ever before. Many men adopted some harsh attitudes about rape, which strongly correlate to their need to protect their gender, and in turn, protect themselves. The only way the gender war will come to an end is when people stop dichotomous thinking, stop labeling all that is masculine as 'good or evil' and stop labeling all that is feminine as 'good or evil'.
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Most people have vehemently attacked this disgusting, appalling behavior by these men. There are some men, who still believe that the victim bears responsibility for putting themselves in that situation. To me, that is as logical as saying that a man whose wallet is stolen while he is passed out drunk deserves to be robbed.
They say that this girl deserved to be raped, she drank too much, she passed out, she set herself up to be raped...she..she...she. The Canadian Taliban, Davis Aurini is perfect example of this primitive mentality. I wrote about this cave man in the past. He has stated women should be housewives, and their education is useful only to the extent that it prepares them for motherhood. In one video, he went on a rampage stating that only one out of ten females are decent human beings. His gyno-phobic rant can be watched in its entirety on my blog. Davis Aurini is one of those types who believes that life, universe, and everything can be placed into two categories: red pills and blue pills. Nobody ever told him that the Matrix is just a movie because he seems to think it is a documentary.
One time I tried to count how many times the Canadian Taliban said 'bitch', 'slut', 'whore' and 'cunt'. If I had more time, I would download his videos, extract each time he used on of those words, and make a music video out of it. Maybe apply a little bit of audio tune. Aurini repeatedly stated that 'sluts' deserve to be raped because they set themselves up by dressing like 'sluts' and drinking. Apparently, only men are allowed to go out, party and have a good time. Women are apparently supposed to stay home and knit scarves.
As I am a firm believer in fairness, I think that we should entertain Aurini's argument that the victim needs to start respecting themselves, and if they did the rape never would have happened in the first place. Lets suggest that if we have the audacity to say that the victim should have taken some responsibility and not behaved in such a degrading manner (i.e. dressing sexy, dancing sexy, drinking, passing out) then it would not have happened in the first place. I am going to apply Aurini's argument to the following rape case out of Alaska, and ask my viewers to tell me if his logic follows.
In a study published by the British Psychological Society, men blame rape victims more than women do. Men have less sympathy for rape victims, they are more likely to blame rape victims for how they dress, how much they drank or even where they passed out after a night partying. A followup article was published by Psychology Central News Editor. Men and boys are often raped too. I am confident that this innocent sixteen year old boy is not the only teenage boy to be violated just in the state of Alaska. Imaging how many teenage boys are victimized across the United States of America every day, and never report the crime due to shame, humiliation, or fear they will be called gay.
The British research was conducted on 301 subjects (150 men and 151 women, average age 23) who were read a scenario in which victim gender, sexuality, and whether the victim was awake or asleep at the time of the assault were manipulated by the researchers.
The subjects were then asked to complete a questionnaire on blame.
The results showed that men had less sympathy for rape victims overall and tended to blame the victim more than women did. In particular men blamed the women for not fighting back.
The men questioned in the study classed assaults on gay men as the least serious, especially if the victim was conscious.
The second, separate study was presented at the same conference by Sophia Shaw and colleagues from the University of Leicester.
In the second study, 101 men (aged between 18 and 70) completed questionnaires regarding their sexual history, personality and aggression. They were then asked to imagine themselves in different scenarios with one woman but varying her dress, how much alcohol she had consumed, how assertive she was and how many previous sexual partners she had.
Men who considered themselves sexually experienced were willing to coerce the woman to a later stage in the scenario than those with less sexual experience. These men also reported that they found resistance from a woman sexually arousing.
Alcohol, however, had the opposite effect than predicted, with participants more likely to coerce women who were sober rather than drunk.
“Previous research has suggested that women are more likely to be raped by someone they know, yet they fear rape by strangers more,” noted Shaw.
“This study was concerned with examining the factors that lead men to have a greater likelihood to commit rape in scenarios involving a woman who was an acquaintance.”
RAPE OF HOMOSEXUAL MEN
While at a volunteer orientation in Manhattan, we were in a circle talking about how to help and support clients living with HIV. Working as a volunteer for people living with HIV or full blown AIDS is an emotionally difficult process. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever done in my life, but I also knew at the same time, that it was something I had to do.
In the group, we were discussing empathy, trauma and how to help our clients talk about their needs. One of the volunteers was an older gentleman. As we were discussing the concept of trauma, he spoke softly and said, "Since this is a safe place, I would like to share a trauma that I experienced about ten years ago."
As he was leaving a Chelsea gay bar, he was followed by a group of men, attacked and repeatedly raped. After the attack, he had to take large cocktails of HIV suppressant drugs in case he had been exposed to the virus. Fortunately, six months later the test came up negative.
His story touched me. He did not deserve to be raped because he was gay. He did not deserve it because, as Aurini puts it, because the victim "dressed up like a whore, drank too much, and have no respect for them self." My friend had just as much right to go out, drink, dance and have a good time like any other person. He was not disrespecting himself because of how he dressed, or the fact that he was gay.
Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for heterosexual men to rape gay men. It happens all over the United States, Africa, Europe, and Australia. What goes on with Asians is even creepier. There is an entire genre of Asian gay rape pornography which I am completely ill equipped to deal with.
MEDIA AND MEN
Most men are not rapists. A much discussed rape study from 1987 surveyed thousands of college men, asking them if they have ever forced a woman to have sex or had sex with a woman who was too intoxicated to consent. In the anonymous study, approximately 4.5% of men said that they had.
I have not read the study, and do not know how accurate it is. If the study is accurate, this means that
95.5% of men do not rape. The problem arises that when rape does happen, according to the FBI 98% of the perpetrators are men. The rapists predominately attack women, but it is often that they will rape other men. The good news is that in the last ten years, the rate of male on female rape has been dropping an average of five percent (5%).
|Rape dropping average 5% per year|
The problem is that while 95.5% of men do not rape, about 90,000 rapes are reported to the police every year, and the perpetrators in those rapes 98% of the time are men. It is natural that the remaining 95.5% will defend themselves, and their gender, and feel sick and tired of how their gender is portrayed in the media. They will do things like blame the victim, blame her clothing, her alcohol consumption, her sexual past and any other irrelevant thing that puts the spotlight on the victim rather than the man. I am not sure is this a cultural pattern, or just the pattern of the innocent 95.5% who do not want to be vilified for the behavior of the sick 4.5%.
Let me put a different spin on this. I am female. Studies show that women are not as good in math as men are. Studies show that Asians have a higher IQ than Caucasians. Studies also show, that I am more likely to have a personality disorder than men. Some studies even show that female flatulence stinks worse than males. Am I offended by any of this? No. Not at all. Why? Because we are individuals, not statistics.
There comes a point where one should define themselves, and stop worrying about defining themselves by predominate stereotypes. At the beginning of this blog, I discussed how the English language predisposes us to capitalize "I" in a sentence, no matter where that pronoun lives in the sentence. Maybe now is the time men should start doing it. I am suggesting that individual men look to themselves, what defines them as a person beyond their gender or race. It is not necessary to defend one's own gender because true statements about gender does not define the person. Men can respond to the world without defending whatever 'group' they feel so impelled to defend. This is the ultimate form of individualism and free thought.
RAPE IS ABOUT THE PERPETRATOR'S IMMORALITY
Rape happens when one person thinks they have the right to penetrate another person without their consent. It is usually about sex, but sometimes it is about humiliation and control. It is always about a perpetrator being an immoral human being who thinks their desires are more important than other people.
As men defend the rapists, we see that they become loyal to their gender rather than to themselves or their principles. They are more likely to blame victims perhaps, because they have that one thing in common with the perpetrator - they are both male. When one is defending an aspect of their identity to the point they become loyal to a fault, they sacrifice clarity of thought. If a person is really confident, knows who they are, they will have no problem being honest about the statistics.
Honestly is the best policy. Women and men have the right to drink what ever they want to drink, wear what they want, pass out where ever they want without having to worry about someone shoving a beer bottle up their rectum or shoving their erect penis inside of them. Everyone has the right to live with freedom, dignity and decide what they will and will not do with their bodies. Women and men both have the right to wear the sluttiest outfit they want to wear. I am not one of those people who believe that rape is only about violence. Rather, I think that rape is about sex, violence, humiliation and a few other adjectives. The problem is not the alcohol, the clothing, or the sexy dancing. The problem is that 4.5% of male rapists and .0009% of female rapists have a broken moral compass.
When men defend rapists and belittle the victim, they come across like they think men should be allowed to do whatever they want to women. It seems that these guys are angry that women prance about, being sexy, and holding the sex cards. Do these men really think they should be allowed to do whatever they want to women?
RAPE AND THE LAW
Before I finish this blog, I must add that when it comes to something like rape, many people argue that the law is wrong. This is especially true when it comes to statutory rape. We discussed two rape cases: Ohio and Alaska. In closing, the image below shows the current rape statutes in both Alaska and Ohio. I think it is important for all people to know what the law reads, because there is not much difference between states.
|RESPONSE TO OHIO RAPE|
RAPES WE DO NOT HEAR ABOUT
After reading the British study, I went online to find some recent news events related to drunk women being raped. I found a recent incident in Dubai, where a drunk British woman cunningly kidnapped from a taxi by three men. They told the driver that they knew her and were taking her home. They took her back to their flat and repeatedly raped her.
I have heard men on many occasions defend this behavior. I even know a young man who told me he would cruise bars looking for drunk women. This is utterly immoral behavior. Asim Javed, a Pakistani man residing in England was sentenced in 2010 to eight years by the Liverpool Crown Court. The report read that he preyed on young students staggering home drunk.
My search lead me to another story in Zimbabwe where a man offered to drive a drunk woman home after she fell asleep at the bar. He repeatedly raped her in the back of a car. He was caught.